Marriage Trends/Divorce

What about the Children?

Unfortunately, trends in marriage in the United States are disturbing. There is a shifting away from marriage. Let’s take a quick look at a couple of these common trends.
#1. On the whole marriage is on the decline, fewer people are heading to the altar.
#2. Common law/Cohabitating along with lone parenting is on the rise.
#3. Divorce rates have remained steady.
#4. Those who do marry are older. The average age at which men and women first marry is now at the highest ever recorded.
#5. Married couples are having fewer children.

These changes in marital patterns have made a major impact on the lives of American children. More and more children are growing up in broken homes and are being raised by a single parent. This week in my FAML 300 class we read an article by Paul R. Amato entitled “The Impact of Family Formation Change on the Cognitive, Social, and Emotional Well-Being of the Next Generation.” In the article Amato concludes “Research clearly demonstrates that children growing up with two continuously married parents are less likely than other children to experience a wide range of cognitive, emotional and social problems not only during childhood, but also into adulthood.” So, it goes without saying that happily married parents provide the best environment for children. Happily married parents allow children to receive the love and guidance of both parents. Raising the next generation is difficult, time-consuming and takes both parents.

Sadly, there have been dramatic changes in the attitudes of our nation about holding marriages together for the children. We have pushed children from center stage. It is now reported that the presence of children in a marriage has become only a very minor inhibitor of divorce. I am grateful for apostles and prophets like Elder Oaks who plead to: “Think first of the children. Because divorce separates the interests of children from the interests of their parents, children are its (divorces) first victims.” This week we watched a program “Divorce School for Kids” from ABC News 20/20.
As the children/victims in the video described their feelings of abandonment my heart broke. There can be nothing more traumatic for a child than finding out their parents are divorcing. One child reported “divorce is the worst part of a kid’s life.” After getting over my feelings of sadness, I thought what a great idea divorce school for kids is! My nieces and nephews have recently had to deal with the divorce of their parents. What a huge blessing a program like this would be for them. Being able to come to a place with other children that are in the same boat and where they are encouraged to talk about their feelings would be such a huge help.

My hope is that as a nation we can start to encourage and preserve marriage. That we can get back to a more child-centered time. A time like the mid-20th century when the family unit consisted of mom, dad and kids. Hopefully as adults we can be less selfish and work harder to make our marriages not only work but happy for ourselves and for the children. What are you willing to do for the children?