This week’s reading made me so intensely grateful for my amazing in-laws. When it comes to in-laws, I hit the jackpot. I have been married for 21 years and my mother in-law did exactly what the article “Creating Healthy Ties with In-Laws and Extended Families” suggests. From the very start she gave us our space and helped us define and protect the boundary of our new marriage. She never insisted on us coming to a family function, she let us choose. We were treated with love and respect which made us want to spend time with her and the extended family.
A quote from the article that rang true to me was, “It is important for parents-in law to find ways to personally build relationships with their children-in-law as individuals.” My mother in-law made it a priority to establish and maintain a close relationship with me. She put in the time and effort it took to really get to know me. I believe this is incredibly important for creating healthy ties. We have traditions now that are just between her and I, which we both enjoy and look forward too. We shop, decorate for Christmas, play certain board games and share recipes. It came naturally and easily. If she ever felt like we were different she never showed it.
I wanted nothing more than to be accepted and respected and I was given that gift. I was included in their family system right away. My father in-law started teasing me like he did his own children from the second I met him. This endeared him to me and me to him. Now all these years later, as he has developed Parkinson’s disease, it is one of my greatest joys in life to serve him. Parkinson's is no joke, it has been tough seeing him struggle and change so drastically, but when he smiles it melts my heart.
With such amazing examples, I pray that when the day comes, I will be as kind and generous when my own children bring home a new spouse to include in our family.
What are some ways you can support your extended family?
Citations
Harper, J. M. & Olsen, S. F. (2005). "Creating Healthy Ties With In-Laws and Extended Families." In C. H. Hart, L.D. Newell, E. Walton, & D.C. Dollahite (Eds.), Helping and healing our families: Principles and practices inspired by "The Family: A Proclamation to the World" (pp. 327-334). Salt Lake City, UT: Deseret Book Company.
Harper, J. M. & Olsen, S. F. (2005). "Creating Healthy Ties With In-Laws and Extended Families." In C. H. Hart, L.D. Newell, E. Walton, & D.C. Dollahite (Eds.), Helping and healing our families: Principles and practices inspired by "The Family: A Proclamation to the World" (pp. 327-334). Salt Lake City, UT: Deseret Book Company.
Edited by Lacy Merrill on Dec 11 at 9:53am
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